For the LOVE!

Last night I agreed to meet my friend Areta to go for a run this morning. I ran here Tuesday (mid-day) and didn't die, though I realized later it was a full 50 degrees colder than the last day I ran when I was in Arizona.

So I was meeting her around 7 am...still dark. I had less than positive thoughts about this whole idea as I awoke after only approximately 300 minutes of sleep. When I got to the dark, freezing outside...it was...well, dark and freezing. I thought "I wonder how cold it is...wait, I don't want to know." The good news? In order to stay warm, you HAVE to run...and you WANT to run...so I did...even up the steep and icy hill...it was worth it (as it always is) and half-way through I repented silently for thinking this wasn't a good thing.

It was worth it. And only after I'd gotten home did I check the temperature...

16 degrees?!?!?!?

Christmas Break: Day One

Cayden is adorable. I am having so much fun with him. He is completely tormented by the fact that there are presents under the tree that are not for unwrapping today. He keeps asking...and we keep saying "Pretty soon, but Santa has to come first...Thursday...really soon, but not today." And he sighs and says "Oh." Then, when no one is looking, he tries to stealthily open one before getting caught. He happened to pick one that was for me and it took ALL my strength not to peek as I closed the gift up and put it back. He then decided that he was going to be Santa...and put all the presents on his sleigh (couch). I decided this game would work; it meant some harm to the gifts in that sometimes 3-yr olds are slightly less than gentle while moving things to and fro...but would allow him to be involved with the presents in a way that would buy some time until the next petition: "Can we open them NOW?"

Enjoy the movies...Cayden Claus...and "Air Traffic Control." Could he BE any cuter?!?!

The Grass is Always Greener...

I usually post pictures and stories that are cheerful, fun and/or frivolous. This is not one of them. I'm taking a risk here by being a bit more "real" than usual... I guess it's good to be real sometimes...because I am convinced that our "frivolity"and difficulty being real prevents us from really being connected. It also results in me hearing things like "you have so much freedom, you are so lucky, you get to do everything you want, it must be so nice, I'd give anything to have that kind of time..." and the like. I understand the comments and if you're one of the people who have said them please know that I am not offended/mad/sad at you. But I do want to say this...

The Grass Is Always Greener....

Because tonight I went to a Christmas party for work...and it was me...and me. When I go to church, I am my own bench, I am my own family. Sometimes there is no where to sit and I feel like it's just me in a sea of families...and some days it hurts enough that I want to stand up and walk right out. This is not how I planned it. My "beehive plan" has gone terribly awry, it kinda all hit the fan when I graduated with my Master's degree...unmarried. I don't really even have a framework for how to be 31 and single. I am just figuring it out I guess. Like we all do with our stuff.

When I see countless darling children in therapy (almost all of which I would keep if I could) who ask me how many kids I have...the conversation always leads to them asking a very baffled "Why?!?! Why don't you have kids...well, why aren't you married?! Don't you WANT to have kids? Don't you WANT a husband?!?! Weird!!!" They just look at me perplexed and I have "tried on" many different answers and still not found one that really works...so I resort to: "I promise to tell you when I get a husband." That seems to appease.

So...to the many who see my life and wish to trade...I will say this...I know you are envious of my free time, my ability to nap, the opportunity to go to the bathroom without an audience, quiet, freedom, etc. This I understand.

I just want you to know...I am jealous that you have darling little wonders to snuggle and tuck in bed at night, that you know with whom you will be this Saturday night, who you will sit by in church and on whom you will the focus the majority of your love, time, efforts and prayers (for the rest of your lives). I'm jealous of how it might feel on Mother's day in church, or how your hearts must melt when tiny arms wrap you up in big "You're the best in the whole world" hugs, and how it might be to come home to someone who wants to see you more than they want to see anyone else in the world.

And I know you're thinking "Dream on Jules, think about the spaghetti dripping down the walls, the baby with a nose that perpetually runs and makes me worry, 8,439 trips a day to a billion places, endless trips to the doctor and way more than we'd like to the ER, kids who fight FAR more than they get along, not enough sleep (ever) and homework that not even I know how to do..." I get that.

Still, the grass looks awfully green over there.

So...I just want to say...I'm sure there are days we would trade straight across. And if we did, there would be days when we'd beg to switch back. Make no mistake, I am very grateful for all that I do have...which is a lot. I am happy, I love my life and the people in it. I am grateful for the things I am learning, I know things happen for a reason and I believe very much in the Lord's timing...I understand that life will happen as it's supposed to...but at times I still freak out that maybe my job is to love a billion children and keep none of them...at least not in this life.

And regarding the grass again...everyone's patch has weeds...most of which you never see. You know what I'm talking about because you know your own weeds...the things that cause you pain or worry or heartache or stress...and you also know that few people really know how it is for you. I bet you've also all experienced people at some point wishing for your life because to them, it looks better...easier...more fun...and you may have been thinking "If you only knew..." I have thought that before. More than once.

Truth is...we are all lucky. We all have more than we deserve and in the end, it all works out. The middle can be awfully scary. I work with a lot of people in the "scary middles" of their lives. Unfortunately for some of my little wonders, the "scary middles" come way too soon. I am grateful for what I learn...from the many lives that affect mine. Grateful for the gospel. It is the good news. It is what promises us that the end can be Perfect...no matter what the middle brings.

Last Catch-up: November

Okay...so in November...we celebrated Rachelle's (aka "Pana") birthday....Cute picture of Rachelle and Megan (my cute roommates who are also sisters)...I ran my first 10K on Thanksgiving day. I would have loved the race had I not been having a bit of trouble with kidney stones...still, I was determined to finish the dang thing, and I did. So...shameless self portrait...pre-race.And another race shirt I will cram in my drawer and wear only very occasionally.After the race, I went with my friend Kathy and her family to spend the day at her sister, Julie's house. We had a great time. I missed my family but was grateful to have been able to spend time with Kathy and her family. We even went "early" black Friday shopping and Kathy was able to thwart the efforts of all the nay-saying wal-mart workers who were convinced she couldn't buy the dang bedspread set until 5 am...you showed them Kath!!! :)

Catch-up: Anna's Visit

Also...my darling friend Anna came to visit...she moved back to UT after 5? years of living here...we had so much fun when she lived here. From car clogging (my speciality) to shopping, "the bicycle," and "Hansel and Gretel chips," our fun was always random and usually involved being awake much later than was necessary. I miss having her here...was so fun to see her. Anna and Kirsten...cute.

This picture is ridiculous. I have no explanation and include it only because it makes me laugh every time I see it. Jules?!?! Really?!?!

Catch-Up...The Derby

In November...the Demolition Derby...which is quite possibly one of the most INSANE events in the world. It is hard to say which is more entertaining...the cars crashing or the people who are there to watch the cars crashing...either way...quite the spectacle.

The car I picked...Devo...performed poorly...and didn't even make it past the first round. I'm obviously a novice. I picked him mostly because his driver had what looked like a Lego hat on...that seemed like good luck...or something.My friend Natalie and I...enjoying the show.

Catch-up, Boston

After visiting Tere, I flew to Boston to visit my good friend Linn who lives in Canton. We had so much fun...talking, talking and more talking. One day I was still in my pajamas when her kids arrived home from school. They looked at both of us in our pajamas and they said nothing with their mouths but their eyes told us they were wondering what the heck we'd been doing all day. Funny. Linn and I realized it had been about 14 years since we'd seen each other...but you would never have known it by the way we talked and laughed...so much fun. My last night there we ate at an amazing restaurant...after eating we left and made our way back to the car...while crossing the street she "went for it" and I thought I wouldn't make it (didn't know the "pedestrians have the right of way" rule in Canton) so the result was me confusing the heck out of the driver who almost hit me...and then both of us laughing so hard at the side of the road that passers-by were staring and I was pretty sure I'd die either from the cold or from laughing so hard...Fun. Love you Linny! Thanks for a great trip. When are you coming to Arizona?!?!

Catch-up...Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Dear Everyone,

I'm very far behind. Quick catch-up...

October...went to visit my friend Tere in Pennsylvania. We used to work together and I've missed her a bunch since she moved about 2 years ago. We had a great time. She is amazing and the weather was incredible.

We went miniature golfing...Look at this place., are you kidding me?!? No offense, Cherry Hill...this was for sure the most amazing "course" I've ever seen!