For the LOVE!

Last night I agreed to meet my friend Areta to go for a run this morning. I ran here Tuesday (mid-day) and didn't die, though I realized later it was a full 50 degrees colder than the last day I ran when I was in Arizona.

So I was meeting her around 7 am...still dark. I had less than positive thoughts about this whole idea as I awoke after only approximately 300 minutes of sleep. When I got to the dark, freezing outside...it was...well, dark and freezing. I thought "I wonder how cold it is...wait, I don't want to know." The good news? In order to stay warm, you HAVE to run...and you WANT to run...so I did...even up the steep and icy hill...it was worth it (as it always is) and half-way through I repented silently for thinking this wasn't a good thing.

It was worth it. And only after I'd gotten home did I check the temperature...

16 degrees?!?!?!?

Christmas Break: Day One

Cayden is adorable. I am having so much fun with him. He is completely tormented by the fact that there are presents under the tree that are not for unwrapping today. He keeps asking...and we keep saying "Pretty soon, but Santa has to come first...Thursday...really soon, but not today." And he sighs and says "Oh." Then, when no one is looking, he tries to stealthily open one before getting caught. He happened to pick one that was for me and it took ALL my strength not to peek as I closed the gift up and put it back. He then decided that he was going to be Santa...and put all the presents on his sleigh (couch). I decided this game would work; it meant some harm to the gifts in that sometimes 3-yr olds are slightly less than gentle while moving things to and fro...but would allow him to be involved with the presents in a way that would buy some time until the next petition: "Can we open them NOW?"

Enjoy the movies...Cayden Claus...and "Air Traffic Control." Could he BE any cuter?!?!

The Grass is Always Greener...

I usually post pictures and stories that are cheerful, fun and/or frivolous. This is not one of them. I'm taking a risk here by being a bit more "real" than usual... I guess it's good to be real sometimes...because I am convinced that our "frivolity"and difficulty being real prevents us from really being connected. It also results in me hearing things like "you have so much freedom, you are so lucky, you get to do everything you want, it must be so nice, I'd give anything to have that kind of time..." and the like. I understand the comments and if you're one of the people who have said them please know that I am not offended/mad/sad at you. But I do want to say this...

The Grass Is Always Greener....

Because tonight I went to a Christmas party for work...and it was me...and me. When I go to church, I am my own bench, I am my own family. Sometimes there is no where to sit and I feel like it's just me in a sea of families...and some days it hurts enough that I want to stand up and walk right out. This is not how I planned it. My "beehive plan" has gone terribly awry, it kinda all hit the fan when I graduated with my Master's degree...unmarried. I don't really even have a framework for how to be 31 and single. I am just figuring it out I guess. Like we all do with our stuff.

When I see countless darling children in therapy (almost all of which I would keep if I could) who ask me how many kids I have...the conversation always leads to them asking a very baffled "Why?!?! Why don't you have kids...well, why aren't you married?! Don't you WANT to have kids? Don't you WANT a husband?!?! Weird!!!" They just look at me perplexed and I have "tried on" many different answers and still not found one that really works...so I resort to: "I promise to tell you when I get a husband." That seems to appease.

So...to the many who see my life and wish to trade...I will say this...I know you are envious of my free time, my ability to nap, the opportunity to go to the bathroom without an audience, quiet, freedom, etc. This I understand.

I just want you to know...I am jealous that you have darling little wonders to snuggle and tuck in bed at night, that you know with whom you will be this Saturday night, who you will sit by in church and on whom you will the focus the majority of your love, time, efforts and prayers (for the rest of your lives). I'm jealous of how it might feel on Mother's day in church, or how your hearts must melt when tiny arms wrap you up in big "You're the best in the whole world" hugs, and how it might be to come home to someone who wants to see you more than they want to see anyone else in the world.

And I know you're thinking "Dream on Jules, think about the spaghetti dripping down the walls, the baby with a nose that perpetually runs and makes me worry, 8,439 trips a day to a billion places, endless trips to the doctor and way more than we'd like to the ER, kids who fight FAR more than they get along, not enough sleep (ever) and homework that not even I know how to do..." I get that.

Still, the grass looks awfully green over there.

So...I just want to say...I'm sure there are days we would trade straight across. And if we did, there would be days when we'd beg to switch back. Make no mistake, I am very grateful for all that I do have...which is a lot. I am happy, I love my life and the people in it. I am grateful for the things I am learning, I know things happen for a reason and I believe very much in the Lord's timing...I understand that life will happen as it's supposed to...but at times I still freak out that maybe my job is to love a billion children and keep none of them...at least not in this life.

And regarding the grass again...everyone's patch has weeds...most of which you never see. You know what I'm talking about because you know your own weeds...the things that cause you pain or worry or heartache or stress...and you also know that few people really know how it is for you. I bet you've also all experienced people at some point wishing for your life because to them, it looks better...easier...more fun...and you may have been thinking "If you only knew..." I have thought that before. More than once.

Truth is...we are all lucky. We all have more than we deserve and in the end, it all works out. The middle can be awfully scary. I work with a lot of people in the "scary middles" of their lives. Unfortunately for some of my little wonders, the "scary middles" come way too soon. I am grateful for what I learn...from the many lives that affect mine. Grateful for the gospel. It is the good news. It is what promises us that the end can be Perfect...no matter what the middle brings.

Last Catch-up: November

Okay...so in November...we celebrated Rachelle's (aka "Pana") birthday....Cute picture of Rachelle and Megan (my cute roommates who are also sisters)...I ran my first 10K on Thanksgiving day. I would have loved the race had I not been having a bit of trouble with kidney stones...still, I was determined to finish the dang thing, and I did. So...shameless self portrait...pre-race.And another race shirt I will cram in my drawer and wear only very occasionally.After the race, I went with my friend Kathy and her family to spend the day at her sister, Julie's house. We had a great time. I missed my family but was grateful to have been able to spend time with Kathy and her family. We even went "early" black Friday shopping and Kathy was able to thwart the efforts of all the nay-saying wal-mart workers who were convinced she couldn't buy the dang bedspread set until 5 am...you showed them Kath!!! :)

Catch-up: Anna's Visit

Also...my darling friend Anna came to visit...she moved back to UT after 5? years of living here...we had so much fun when she lived here. From car clogging (my speciality) to shopping, "the bicycle," and "Hansel and Gretel chips," our fun was always random and usually involved being awake much later than was necessary. I miss having her here...was so fun to see her. Anna and Kirsten...cute.

This picture is ridiculous. I have no explanation and include it only because it makes me laugh every time I see it. Jules?!?! Really?!?!

Catch-Up...The Derby

In November...the Demolition Derby...which is quite possibly one of the most INSANE events in the world. It is hard to say which is more entertaining...the cars crashing or the people who are there to watch the cars crashing...either way...quite the spectacle.

The car I picked...Devo...performed poorly...and didn't even make it past the first round. I'm obviously a novice. I picked him mostly because his driver had what looked like a Lego hat on...that seemed like good luck...or something.My friend Natalie and I...enjoying the show.

Catch-up, Boston

After visiting Tere, I flew to Boston to visit my good friend Linn who lives in Canton. We had so much fun...talking, talking and more talking. One day I was still in my pajamas when her kids arrived home from school. They looked at both of us in our pajamas and they said nothing with their mouths but their eyes told us they were wondering what the heck we'd been doing all day. Funny. Linn and I realized it had been about 14 years since we'd seen each other...but you would never have known it by the way we talked and laughed...so much fun. My last night there we ate at an amazing restaurant...after eating we left and made our way back to the car...while crossing the street she "went for it" and I thought I wouldn't make it (didn't know the "pedestrians have the right of way" rule in Canton) so the result was me confusing the heck out of the driver who almost hit me...and then both of us laughing so hard at the side of the road that passers-by were staring and I was pretty sure I'd die either from the cold or from laughing so hard...Fun. Love you Linny! Thanks for a great trip. When are you coming to Arizona?!?!

Catch-up...Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Dear Everyone,

I'm very far behind. Quick catch-up...

October...went to visit my friend Tere in Pennsylvania. We used to work together and I've missed her a bunch since she moved about 2 years ago. We had a great time. She is amazing and the weather was incredible.

We went miniature golfing...Look at this place., are you kidding me?!? No offense, Cherry Hill...this was for sure the most amazing "course" I've ever seen!

????????????????

I am emerging from my den of silence to ask....how in the world does one qualify for this email???

"Did you suffer a gallbladder injury while using birthcontrol?"

No, as it turns out I didn't. And while we're on the subject, I don't want to make any organs/body parts bigger/smaller, especially the ones that do not pertain to my gender. I do not care if you are from CzechoslaIndiaPakiTurkeyStan and have a phenomenal deal for me, I am too smart to send you my credit card info, blood type, and SS number in exchange for
$$534,553,333 USD. No, thanks, I'll pass. And I also do not need a degree, a new job, a pet, a girlfriend, a snuggie, a shamwow, a new nose, permanent makeup, or to make a billion dollars by working from home after I send you $192 to tell me how it works. I'm just not interested. So real people...keep the emails coming. Everyone else...please head directly to the folder titled J-U-N-K. Gracias.

PS...real post coming soon...trip to Lancaster/Canton...Demolition derby photos...get excited!

Arizona Pros & one (pesky) Con

I have a love/hate relationship with Arizona. Truth is...it's turning into more of a love/love relationship every day. Especially now that it's "fall." Which basically means...I can justify flannel sheets (due to what the calendar says, not the thermometer). I put them on this weekend and although I may still have to sleep with a fan, I don't care. Give a girl her flannel.

Another perk...hiking in October....November, December...and pretty much up until May. Amazing. Running outside all year long (though not recommended in July-Sept...I did it anyway...kind of miserable). It's perfect now...in fact on Friday I thought "Man, I'm gonna have to wear a LONG-SLEEVE t-shirt soon." I know, amazing. In Utah, it's freezing and I'm guessing many are heading to the gym. In AZ, the gym membership dips in the winter...as everyone is outside.

Here are a few pictures from yesterday's hike...not much to see, quite honestly, it was dirt, cacti and more dirt...and some cool white rocks that...according to the Hiker Man we met..."grew up out of the ground"...sounds good to me.

One of the not-so-great things about this blessed land...scorpions. When I was packing to move here, my biggest fear was snakes...have seen zero so far. In fact the last snake I saw was on trip to Utah...on Sher's front grass (remember that Pally?). Previous to that...dad and I found a small snake in the garage at home in UT the day we were loading the trailer to move here...dad joked "He wants to hitch a ride to see ALL his relatives where you live!" Mean.

This little guy was hanging out in my shower. Glad I found him before he found me. It is getting a little old, the whole scorpion finding-catching-freezing-disposing cycle. I am grateful that as the cold(er) weather comes, the scorpions disappear. Hallelujah. I will not miss them in the least.

New York

A few weeks ago Mom took Kim, Suz and I to New York. It was a great trip which included: delicious granola/yogurt breakfast every morning @ Fluffy's deli, bus tour of the city, empire state building, 2-hr scenic boat ride around Manhattan...including seeing Statue of Liberty (my camera did not cooperate, thus no photos of Lady Liberty), chance to play on the big piano at FAO Schwartz, delicious honey roasted peanuts purchased from street vendors, negotiating prices with the locals for amazing/imposter items sold as reasonable prices, chance to see the musical Lion King (loved it), walking through Central Park on a Sunday morning, being amazed at Times Square and the busy-ness of it even at 1 am, lots of walking, lots of people watching, and just 4 days full of new, fun things.

Office Surprises...

I often have little snacks in the corner of my desk at work to eat between sessions. On occasion these snacks create a distraction...in the form of darling children saying "I'm so hungry," or "Lunch at school was SO gross, so now I'm STARVING...I wish I had some food!" (as they very obviously eye the fruit or box of raisins or whatever it is that is hiding the the corner). I have no trouble sharing whatever I have with these little wonders, but I have to ask their parents to clear it...make sure we have no food allergies, yadayadayada...and then the parents get embarrassed and say "I promise I feed him!" So...to avoid this situation, I usually just keep my stuff out of sight. Sometimes WAY out of sight. Like 4-7 weeks out of sight.

Take this pear for instance.

Yes, it is (or WAS) a pear. I'm sure I hid it behind my books to avoid the "I'm too hungry for therapy "syndrome...but forgot it was there. To my great surprise, it shriveled right up, right there on my desk. It did not stink, no juicy debris melted out...just a perfectly shrunken and dried-up pear. For some reason...the fact that the little sticker held on for dear life, through it all...amazes me and I feel it would be wrong to throw this dead pear away. Brave little sticker. Hold on tight.

P.S. New York pictures coming soon...

Camelback

Yesterday my friend Natalie and I hiked the Echo Canyon trail on Camelback mountain. Not long in terms of distance...only 1.2 miles up....however, there is a gain of 1263 feet in elevation. So yeah...steep. Average grade is 40%...some places is more than 60%...hands and feet kind of steep...a good, hard hike.

At the top we made friends with a little chipmunk/squirrel (chipirrel, squipmunk...let's face it...they are the same animal to me) who enjoyed sharing my edamame chips...so much so that when I stopped feeding him, he came and climbed on my backpack that was sitting by me to beg for more. Sorry, Chippy, only brought a few and you got almost all of them-you little piggie.

Don't get mad animal people...the chips are organic. I'm sure totally safe for his tiny little system. (Confession: during a slightly less-focused part of my worship @ church today, I wondered if he was dead on Camelback mountain due to edamame intolerance). Look @ his cute little fingers... "Chippy"...

This is near the beginning...steep...two sections where there are metal rails...except when it's 100 degrees outside and the rail temperature is approximately 4,583,982 degrees-you use the fence instead...it's a tiny bit less likely to burn your hands.

Love this picture of cute Natalie laughing at the top...adorable. She's so fun. Such a great time...thanks Nat, love you much!

Whole World...Encore

Okay...I can't not post this. I had to decide between two...look @ this darling kiddo. It starts getting extra-darling around 1:16....stop it! I laugh OUT LOUD every time I watch it. Darling little wonder.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Orv5v4rLfk&feature=related

Whole World in His Hands...

Today I had to do something that I knew would be hard (nothing Earth-shattering, just difficult, don't ask...I'll tell you later). On my way to do this hard thing, I was listening to the radio (KLOVE...a Christian radio station) and heard an artist mention that "Jesus has got the world in his hands." This made me remember a song I once learned and sang when I was about 3 or 4 and a member of a little singing group called Sunshine Generation. As I drove, I sang it and it made me smile. It's true. He DOES have the whole world in His hands. Including me. Always has. Always will. No matter what.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDG5rUexXRc

Attention Utah...listen up!

Dear Friends and Family in Utah,

Good news...my good friend Kathy Crouse is coming to UT...she's an amazing photographer...and will be in Utah at the end of this month. So...if you have a darling baby...cute kid...or other person who you love and want photographed (come on...admit it...the school photos...inevitably after recess and lunch...don't do your little one justice, right?) feel free to check out her work and get in touch with her....she has room in her schedule for a couple more shoots.

http://kathryncrousephotography2.blogspot.com/

Slip sliding away...

So today as I was wrapping up a therapy session with an 11-yr old girl we were making small talk as we were leaving my office. Suddenly things didn't feel so very correct with my clothing in the lower region of my body. I felt something...sliding. I looked down at my ankles...and sure enough...all of my slip was gathered there...covering my feet. When cute 11-yr old realized, she covered her mouth with her hand and gasped. I laughed and said: "Well, excuse me. My slip has fallen off. Sometimes these things happen." And I then attempted to shimmy it back up to its proper location without exposing anything. I feel as though it went well, and my client and I had a good laugh. I'm sure (hoping) it will do wonders for our therapeutic alliance...now that she's seen me be (very) human.

That would be a good enough story alone. Sad news is...this is not the first time my slip has deceived me. Once, about 7 years ago (yes, the slip is that old...waste not, want not)....I was crossing a very busy street...happened to be in SLC...you know the cross walk between temple square and the conference building? Yes the very intersection that is 100% guaranteed to ALWAYS be FULL of cars? The middle of that crosswalk is a great place to have your slip fall to your ankles. That time however...there was no "shimmy time" at my disposal and I made the executive decision to avoid risking my life by such delay. Instead...I casually walked out of the slip...bent down, wadded it up and put it in my purse, held my head and I kept walking. As any distinguished lady would do.

Time to buy a new slip.

Gratitude List

I am grateful for:

• air conditioning
• air conditioning
• air conditioning
• Asics shoes...especially my new ones waiting for their first run
• Camelbak water bottle (stainless steel...keeps water cold longer)
• family...and an upcoming trip home to see them
• friends who love me and make me laugh
• fun times with Cole, Will and Carter last night...hugs & games & laughing & stories...best cure to a grumpy night
• pink boxing gloves
• flip flops
• the temple
• ceiling fans
• friends who come visit me in AZ
• the possiblity of buying a house within the next 6 months
• red potatoes
• my ipod
• Kohls and 15% off coupons
• soft t-shirts that fit perfectly
• friends/roommates who make me laugh every day
• planned trips to visit friends...the anticipation that builds each month
• our new Bosu ball
• sleep

Canada 2

More Canada pictures...

Cute baby Ryann who was an angel...so happy and fun. One of my very most favorite moments was the afternoon when she and I were letting her sweet mama sleep (after a bit of a long night for the two)...we sat out on the balcony looking at birds, listening to the cars...feeling the breeze and eventually...falling asleep. A balcony, a breeze and a sleeping baby on your lap...what could be more peaceful??

Not a great picture, but got the chance to see Chantal Kreviazuk in concert. I bet you've heard her music...my favorite songs: Wonderful, In This Life...and some more. Check her out...

Last one...Kathy and I near the top of the waterfall. Note that I'm wearing my favorite Galyan jacket. Ahhh. I jumped right at the opportunity to wear it the second it was just a tiny bit cold. :)

So...thanks for a great trip, Kath...loved it, love you.

Canada!

So...I was invited by my amazing friend Kathy to go to Canada with her and her cute baby girl, Ryann. We found killer $29-each-way tickets to Great Falls, Montana. From there we rented a car (thank you nice Thrifty for the Subaru upgrade with only 1,000 miles, we love you!)...we had fun driving and talking and made our way to Lethbridge, Alberta. (Which for future reference, is a city and a province...and if you make the mistake of saying Lethbridge, Canada...you will be mocked by your favorite Canadian, right Kath? ...Mesa, USA...punk! ;) We made it through the border after what felt like 49 years of wait time...and were happily on our way.

The next day we spent time with her family...I got to see Lethbridge...which is beautiful. Trees (of all varieties, not just palm, though I'm still a lover the palm...yes, Sara and Mogeets..."palm tree!") Loved the pine trees, clean smell and cool air. I felt very homesick. Loved meeting her family, they were darling and kind. Loved having a "slushee" every day. Now folks, these are NOT the typical 7-11 dealios. No. Ice cream (that is for sure the best I've ever had) mixed with some heavenly concoction that is like the slurpee, but BETTER!!! When Kathy told me about them i thought "Whatever, how good can they be?" Yeah, I was wrong. Amazing.

Went to a family BBQ where i got to meet and make friends with her darling niece Autumn, who was quiet and shy and I was bound and determined to get a smile outta her. Taught her brother, Oakley my 1 soccer move. 6 yr olds are pretty easy to please.

The next day Kath and I hiked "Bear's Hump" in Waterton. Short, but steep... The view from the top was amazing...(see picture at the top). This mountain is aptly named as there are very frequent bear sightings. We saw zero. I did not complain.

After Bear's Hump, we saw more of Waterton...it's a cute little town, kind of a cross between Park City and Ephraim. This animal...a ram?...was found grazing on the front lawn of one of the residents. Many deer were out and about and we watched some kids walk up to and touch one of them.

While we were there, Kathy (a professional photographer) took many great pictures. I followed behind and wished and hoped to be like her. I love this one of her.

And this one too...

She is considering making me her jr. apprentice. I am crossing my fingers. I love photography and am amazed by the work she does.

In Waterton is this waterfall.

Near this waterfall was this little ladybug. Love the drops of water from the spray off the fall. Cute little bug on a rail.

Another "jr. apprentice" moment. Me shooting Kath shooting the Magrath grain elevators that look like milk cartons. Had I been a REAL apprentice, I would have gotten OUT of the car so that you wouldn't see the BUGS on the windshield, thus marring an otherwise interesting photo. There was traffic, major road. I was being careful, not lazy. I think.

May

Dear Everyone:

My blog has been neglected (though not nearly as neglected as the blogs of Mom and Lindsay). I have to many things to say so I will have to start somewhere...here goes. May was good. Here's what happened:

i had a birthday. blew out all 31 of my candles with speed and stealth. my wish is bound to come true.

celebrated the graduation of my cute friend Taelor...(love you Taez!)

And what else? Worked, played, laughed. Oh! And fell in love with boxing and my new gloves...

AND! Went to Canada...see next post for that though....